I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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