Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
