I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
