Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
