You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
