im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
