You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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