If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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