The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
