Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think we might need a safe word for this...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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