If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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