You're a womanizer and a bitch.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
