I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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