i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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