It's Friday. Sex?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
