is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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