His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
