Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the condom got lost in my hair
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
