somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
