Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
