If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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