my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
