Swine flu. Run for my life!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
