i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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