I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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