there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
