Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
