but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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