Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
