the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize