I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Everclear isn't food dammit
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
