I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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