It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
