32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
