Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it's great music for shaving your balls
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize