Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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