my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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