also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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