gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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