But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
