Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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