he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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