butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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