Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
