so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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