hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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