Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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