its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
