so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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