Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
