Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
