just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
