There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
