so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
