I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
