Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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