I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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