actually, I'm a sock model
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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