It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
