I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
