1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
