Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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