I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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