But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
